One of the strangest fantasies I have ever had came into my head after watching a two-part miniseries based on the ancient Roman gladiator, Spartacus. At the very end, when all of the slaves refused to surrender the rebel leader rather than save their own lives, the Roman leader decided that, for twenty miles, each rebel would be crucified and left to die. I figured...how would it look if I managed to get about one or two hundred young men in shorts and crucify them along a roadside?
Of course, though...where would I find one or two hundred young men who loved to wear shorts as I did? So, I decided that the wisest thing for me to do was to place an ad in every major newspaper in the country.
Boy, did I get results! More than two hundred young men, ranging in age from 13 (when a Jewish boy is considered to be a man) to 26, wanted to display their naked legs while being tied to a cross. They all came in person to my house, wearing anything from mid-thigh to knee-length shorts, long-sleeved to short-sleeved shirts, below-the-calf to knee socks...all of them displaying the most beautiful legs that any young man could have!!!
All of the young men walked into my back yard, where I had assembled and placed the smooth oaken and cherry crosses. When one of them, a handsome lad of 16, laid down on his back on one of the crosses, I told them that they would all be attached facing the crosses, with the back of their legs facing the populace that would come to see them. Also...they were each to be hooded, leaving it up to whoever wanted to touch the youthful legs to wonder what the owners looked like.
When I had finished tying their hands and feet to the wood, I then used a crane to lift up each cross and plant them in holes which were dug ten feet deep, leaving it so that the back of each pair of knees were roughly at eye level. At the end of the day, when each youth believed they were going to be released...they got the surprise of their lives!!! They were not going to be set free...not ever! Each and every one of them were going to remain crucified to the cross, the back of their legs facing the road, until the day they died!!!
I left them momentarily, returning with a box of disposable razors with which I was going to shave their legs free of whatever hair they had...then leave them to the mercy of the elements.
Over a period of one and a half weeks, one by one each of the young men succumbed on the crosses. As each one died, I took out a set of spikes and a hammer and nailed each dead body to the crosses, cutting the ropes away and leaving them as crucified as Jesus...only with more clothing. I stood back and admired my work...each body nailed to a cross, with one spike in the back of each hand and through the soles of their sneakers. Unlike the Christ, though, there was no blood...because when I had nailed each one to their crosses, their hearts had already stopped and their blood wsas no longer flowing through their veins.
Soon, people walked along the road, eying the dead, crucified bodies...or should I say, the back of their legs. Atop each cross, painted on a plain piece of wood, was the name of each dead youth. Of course, though, nobody would have a claim on any of them. You see, one stipulation to the crucifixions was that each youth had to be orphaned and/or unmarried, without any female attachment.
Now, this fantasy, like all true fantasies, had to come to an end...and, of course, each young man is still alive somewhere...wearing their shorts and displaying their legs for all the world to see.
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